This week, the gang attempts to spare Charlie’s feelings by hiding the bombshell that The Waitress is getting married. (Incidentally, The Waitress’s real name is never mentioned in the episode.) While engaged in her favorite Saturday afternoon pastime, trying on expensive wedding dresses at a local boutique, Dee encounters her old boyfriend, Brad Fisher from high school and is totally smitten. Noticing he’s decidedly less pizza-faced than he was before she dumped him, Dee finds out he’s engaged…. And engaged to none other than The Waitress.
Bursting with the news, Dee hightails it to Paddy’s where Charlie is attempting to play Winnie the Pooh with a hornet’s nest that’s somehow been built in the corner of the bar’s ceiling. As Charlie attacks the nest with a broom and the hornets attack Charlie, Dee takes time out to spill the beans to Dennis and Mac.
Faced with the possibility of Charlie inding out, offing himself in despair and having to do the “Charlie work” around the bar, Dee’s a woman on a mission. Intent on busting up the impending union of her high school ex-and The Waitress, the gangcalls out Dee on the fact that she’s most upset that The Waitress is getting married before her. On the flipside, Dennisand Mac attempt to hook Charlie up with a woman to keep his mind off of The Waitress in the hopes that they ensure Charlie doesn’t go postal and cap all their asses. .
Meanwhile, Frank’s been doing a bit of hooking up himself, getting freaky with food and Artemis — his new booty call. In between bacon showers, Frank and Artemis find time to re-enact a scene from Lady and the Tramp with a piece of celery at Dee’s wedding shower soiree for Brad and The Waitress. In an effort to dissuade Brad from marrying The Waitress, she invites Frank, Artemis, and Mac and Dennis’ mothers — both of whom get sloppy drunk and slur insults at The Waitress as per Dee’s plan. (Oh, the things Dennis’s mom will do for a pack of smokes!) Through some catty comments, everyone in the room finds out that Dee and The Waitress both went to school together (The Waitress was just really forgettable) and both girls had dated Brad and dumped him for having a complexion like braile. Eventually, things escalate with Frank outing the sex tape he made with The Waitress a few seasons back and she The Waitress storm out of Dee’s apartment. Minutes later, Brad comes back to tell Dee that he’s still in love with her.
In an effort to brace Charlie for heartbreak, Dennis and Mac pay a visit to him in his apartment and find him smoking out the hornet’s nest from the bar, converting it into what looks like a cardboard box bong. Toting a laptop, Dennis and Mac decide to create an online personals’ ad for Charlie. After naming his favorite food as “milksteak”and including “magnets” as a hobby, the rest of the gang fudges a dreamboat persona for Charlie, landing him a date with a lawyer.
After sweating through his dress shirt at a fancy restaurant and changing his job description from a “philanthropist” to a “full-on rapist,” Charlie bombs on his date. Not even Mac and Dennis can bail him out when they pretend to be the owner and head waiter at the restaurant, informing him that his “milksteak” will be ready shortly, just the way he likes it. After Charlie makes an inept attempt at groping his date, she runs off and leaves in a hurry, frustrating Mac and Dennis to the poing of blurting out that The Waitress is getting married.
The following morning, Frank is at the bar, recounting his and Artemis’ sexcapades at Wendy’s following Dee throwing them out of her party the night before. In turn, Dennis tells him that Charlie now knows what happened and expresses concern. Frank tells him not to worry, that Charlie is okay with this and even wanted to congratulate Brad himself.
Charlie knocks on Brad’s door, bearing gifts: A suspicious looking cardboard box with the large “H” he scrawled on it in his hornet-huffing stupor back at his apartment. Brad answers and Charlie congratulates him on his impending nuptials and offers him the box. Brad tells him the engagement is off, which delights Charlie. Empathizing with his fellow former high school geek, Brad lets Charlie in on his little secret. Now that he’s hot, Brad’s been working his way through dating all of the girls who jilted him in high school, getting engaged to them and then calling off the wedding at the last minute. His latest fiancé is now Dee Reynolds. In a rare act of one of the Gang doing something nice for the other, Charlie decides to let Brad have the loaded wedding gift after all before walking off happily.
While this week’s episode lacked the all-out shock factors of last week’s intervention, the Gang is really progressing at regressing towards new, societal lows. Artemis’s appearance is always welcome and if It’s Always Sunny pursues a freaky-deaky relationship between her and Frank, they’ve got potential gold on their hands. At the recent live show based on the “The Nightman Cometh” episode, the audience went wild during Artemis’ appearance onstage. Hell, why not make Artemis a regular already!? She’s a perfect fit for the bottom-feeding antics of those loveable rascals from Paddy’s!
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